I don’t know what to tell you: Grief Week 9

Sorry I’ve missed a week or two (and yes, I had two week 8’s for some reason).  I’ve been really busy pulling my small business together: http://www.2ndlifedolls.com and trying to bring together a video for an indigogo project.

We, new hubby and I, went to see Tolkien last night and it was a beautiful movie.  It was so bittersweet and heart wrenching.  Everything Tolkien pulled together in Lord of the Rings makes so much sense once you see pieces of his life in perspective.  And it made me miss Sam SO much.  I didn’t tell new hubby how much, but this is the sort of movie I would have spent hours talking to Sam about after.  I stopped trying NOT to cry by the end of the movie, tears rolling down my face by the end credits.  I would watch the movie again and again, and (like Coco which reminds me of my mother’s family, and Boromir’s death in LOTR which gets me every time) I would cry each viewing.

There are so many things in this world that will remind you of your loved ones–of people you miss, and of a ‘home’ you used to have and remember fondly.  There is a line in the Tolkien movie where a poet friend talks about how love, unrequited or rejected, is such a potent beautiful thing.

How true.

As Def Leppard says

• It’s bringing me to my knees
• love lives, love dies
  Love bites, love bleeds
  love begs, love pleads
  It’s what I need.

But I have to be honest with you… I don’t enjoy Tolkien’s writing.  I don’t like any of his writing except the Hobbit, which is obviously targeted toward children. What I love about Tolkien is something akin to what happens with the Bible and lots of other inspirational stories, it’s the same thing I love about Narnia–hearing Sam talk about it.

Tolkien inspires so much beauty in other people’s minds, it is truly wonderful.  It makes me choke up just thinking about it.  One of my favorite books is: Tolkien’s Ordinary Virtues, by Mark Eddy Smith.  It is a book of inspiration as much as Tolkien’s is, but Smiths book, I can say, I truly love, even though all he does in it is talk about a series of books I don’t enjoy reading.

Sometimes my new hubby will talk about what he’s going to do in heaven when he meets Sam and they hash out whatever it is that NH thinks he should be hashing out with Sam.  It’s a sweet thought, really.  It’s also hard and real, like Tolkien’s life and the movie about it.  It reflects so much of what it is “to have love and lost,.”  I think people have forgotten that art, because they don’t lose anything anymore, so they can’t be deep like Tolkien, or beautiful like listening to people talk about meaningful things.

And I miss that.