How Adam Ant Can Save The World

It’s been my contention for a long time that Adam Ant lyrics have the answer to any question you could possibly ask.  To test this theory, I went to Yahoo Answers for the top questions being asked at this time, to see if I could answer them with lyrics from an Adam Ant Song.

The featured questions and top rated answers for today (which one would have to assume are the most important) are:

1. Would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

2. Can you be awake while your body sleeps?

3. Why is it that FM radio stations always end in odd numbers?

4. How common is dwarfism?

So, lets get down to it, shall we?

Would you survive a zombie apocalypse? 

It obvious the answer to this question should be found in the lyrics of the song that represents the closest thing to a horror theme song in the Adam Ant song list: “Ants Invasion.”

10:35 and i hope i’ve made
The right decision
Heart is beating i’m alive
But i don’t call this living
Rationalise till i’m blue in the face
You cannot lose if you throw the race
I’m still searching for the
Ants invasion

10:36 and i hope i’ve made
The right decision
Ninety eight point four’s the bore
With twenty twenty vision
You want a thrill so you come and see me
A cheap line in fantasy
But i’m still searching for the
Ants invasion

If i’d the courage
I would make my way home
Too many antics in the forbidden zone

10:38 and i think i’ve made
The wrong decision
Another lifeless man with a strange incision
I hope that insect doesn’t see me
He’s not renowned for his courtesy
I’m not searching for the
Ants invasion

It seems pretty clear from this song and the lyrics, and the fact that Adam Ant songs can answer any question, that no, you will not survive the zombie apocalypse.  NEXT QUESTION!

Can you be awake while your body sleeps?

Adam Addresses the issues of sleep in several songs.  Plastic Surgery:

Hey, you got a face like a Labrador
I don’t mind, that’s what I’m here for
The angel Gabriel sent me
To give you a little bit of sympathy

I’m gonna take you down to Harley Street

Such a shame you had that crash
That will teach you to drive flash
And a lorry hit you at full power
Your blood gushing like a shower

Plastic surgery, it’s so plastic
Plastic surgery, fantastic
(And you better take me away)

Well, you might have to sell your car
And your parent’s brand new house
You lie awake and lose your *sleep*
Baby, miracles do not come cheap

Well, you can have a brand new nose
Light blue eyes or even hazel
A little ear will be much better
When you are a real go getter

Don’t go sitting in the sun
Your new face might start to run
Just forget your makeup scheme
Clean your face with Mr. Sheen

And: Goody Two Shoes

With the heartbreak open
So much you can’t hide
Put on a little makeup, makeup
Make sure they get your good side, good side
If the words unspoken get stuck in your throat
Send a treasure token, token
Write it on a pound note, pound note

Goody two, goody two
Goody, goody two shoes
Goody two, goody two
Goody, goody two shoes
You don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
You don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
The subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

We don’t follow fashion
That would be a joke
You know we’re gonna set them, set them
So ev’ryone can take note, take note
When I saw you kneeling
Crying words that you mean
Opening the eyeballs, eyeballs
Pretending that you’re Al Green, Al Green

Goody two, goody two
Goody, goody two shoes
Goody two, goody two
Goody, goody two shoes
You don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
You don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
The subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside

No one’s gonna tell me
What’s wrong and what’s right
Or tell me who to eat with, *sleep* with
Or foul up on the big fight, big fight
Look out or they will tell you you’re a superstar
Two weeks and you’re an all time legend
I think the games have gone much too far
If the words unspoken get stuck in your throat
Send a treasure token, token
Write it on a pound note, pound note

Don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
You don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do
The subtle innuendos follow
There must be something inside, inside

I think it’s fairly clear that Adam is indicating that you can’t be awake when your body is asleep.  And in anticipation of your questions about sleeping, he suggests a method to avoid sleeplessness–plastic surgery or subtle innuendos.

The next question is a little trickier.

Why do FM stations always end in odd numbers?

This is clearly a little more difficult since in the UK FM stations do not always end in odd numbers.  But Adam doesn’t want you listening to FM radio anyway, he advocates unplugging jukeboxes and is definitely in favor of mp3 players loaded with: Antmusic

Well I’m standing here looking at you
What do I see?
I’m looking straight through
It’s so sad
When you’re young
To be told
You’re having fun

So unplug the jukebox
And do us all a favor
That music’s lost its taste
So try another flavor
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic

Well I’m standing here what do I see?
A big nothing
Threatening me
It’s so sad
When you’re young
To be told
You’re having fun

So unplug the jukebox
And do us all a favor
That music’s lost its taste
So try another flavor
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic

So unplug the jukebox
And do us all a favor
That music’s lost its taste
So try another flavor
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic

Don’t tread on an ant he’s done nothing to you
There might come a day
When he’s treading on you
Don’t tread on an ant you’ll end up black and blue
You cut off his head
Legs come looking for you

So unplug the jukebox
And do us all a favor
That music’s lost its taste
So try another flavor
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic

So unplug the jukebox
And do us all a favor
That music’s lost its taste
So try another flavor
Antmusic
Antmusic
Antmusic

Now to the last question…

How common is dwarfism?

I think in this case, Adam would have to refer the question to his friends at Soft Cell (another 80’s band), because they are obviously very familiar with dwarfs.

Clearly the answer to that question is ‘common enough to make people with odd sex fetishes happy.’

So maybe Adam Ant lyrics can’t answer every question, but Adam clearly knows where to find the answers.  It’s with that in mind that I continue to advocate turning to Adam Ant in your times of trouble and search his lyrics for the answers to your questions.  His powers are clearly timeless and downright oracular.

If YOU have a question, by all means post it and I will get in touch with the Adam Ant Oracle and find the answer to your question.